Jamie Richards is from Jamaica and currently a student at Howard University, USA
“Because of my spring revelation I began to appreciate school. I realize now why I was able to bully kids twice my age - because, who I am is thrice my size.”
Jamie Richards
When I Ruled the World
So it all started about 16 years ago when I entered nursery school and found myself bullying people twice my size because I ruled the world. I did things how and when I wanted to, I was too cute to not rule the world.
My parents have been married for 33 years and had five beautiful girls together. I was the last of the bunch and I must admit that I was a bit spoiled. My parents always made it clear to us that education was very important. While I may not have gotten every toy I cried for but I got EVERY school book and supply at a moments notice. My two oldest sisters attended Tavern Primary School then went on to Immaculate Conception High School (ICHS). The rest of us attended Immaculate Prep School and then went on to ICHS. My parents were, and still are very over protective. They were very strict when it came to our performance in school but as I said before I did what I wanted when I wanted. Fortunately for me, I wanted to do my school work in prep school and no one needed to ask me. I remember doing my homework on Friday evenings after school so I could play for the rest of the weekend because school came first. Throughout Immaculate Prep I was among the children who were expected to excel and my parents loved going to parent-teacher meetings so they could hear how bright I was. Although they also had to hear how talkative I was and how I was pushing my classmates around. My parents were always dumbfounded at the fact that I was the smallest in the class and I was bossing the bigger children around. Prep school was great for me because I was ‘popular’ and I was doing well in school.
The Changes Creep In
Ok so fast forward to high school and I'm still popular, still one of the smallest, but my parents don’t enjoy the parent-teacher meetings anymore. I was thrust into an environment where there was more freedom compared to the strict Catholic prep school I went to. Therefore, I did the only thing I could do, I let loose. I started to meet some great people who I’m still friends with to this day, but I lost sight of what was important....school. It had also become the in thing to be a ‘slacker’, as we called it. Each day my friends and I would test ourselves by seeing how well we could do without actually studying. I must admit that most of us did pretty well for a bunch of slackers. This only encouraged me because I thought I was above studying; mediocrity had become acceptable.
In the process of being initiated into the Slackers Club I lost not only my interest in school, but my belief in my ability to excel. As a result of this fear of failing, I just stopped, I stopped trying and I stopped caring and I did very well at not caring. At the end of the 5th form in high school we had an external examination period where we were tested in an average of eight different CXC CSEC subjects.
There was one exam I never studied for at all - physics. I never studied for my physics CXC exam because I was too afraid to fail, and if I had studied for that exam and failed, it would then have meant that I had failed as a person.
So while attempting to cram from a very concise version of the textbook, I fell asleep after the first page. I did not panic when I woke up and realized that it was exam morning. I just simply thought, "Oh well." Well apparently several students had woken up that morning and said "oh well!" I more than passed the exam. However, this still did not motivate me to suddenly take an interest in my work.
A Professional Slacker
To this day I will tell you that I will never meet a set of people like the ones I graduated from high school with. They were top grade A people. I love each and every one of them in a different way and I still carry them in my heart. When I entered 6th form (12th grade) of my high school, most of these beloved people had moved on. This only demotivated me more because I suddenly felt lost and uneasy. I was thrown into this cold new world and I felt alone to make it worse. It eventually led to a strengthening of existing friendships and the forming of new ones. With the new course load and new style in teaching, I decided that I was not going to care and I was not going to work hard. I did what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Academically, I did absolutely NOTHING in sixth form. I even got ‘suspended’ along with about five others, (some of whom were a part of the Slackers Club), for turning in a major project (my SBA) late; this was later removed from my school record.
This was definitely the worst time of my life and ironically the best. Throughout high school I had slowly lost confidence in my school work and confidence in my self as a person and as a young woman. However, in 6th form I learnt to believe in myself and restored the self esteem I had in abundance in prep school. My social life began to flourish as a result of this, which made it the best time in my life. Several things happened in that time that no one will ever understand, except for my new best friend, Sophia, who experienced most of these things with me.
During 6th form I continued to neglect my school work, and studied for my SATs because I was leaving soon to go to ‘farin’. Although my SAT scores were not stellar I was not disappointed because I had gotten into all the schools I applied to and I was just waiting on Howard University to respond. I waited for a long time for them to respond and had to defer my other acceptances for the spring semester. It seemed impossible to me at this time, because if I had been accepted I would have gotten it by now. So I prayed, my family prayed, I think even my enemies prayed for me. I visited Howard just to find out that I was accepted but...well if you go to Howard you know what it was. So again my family worked some miracles, did some scrambling, encouraged me a lot because I doubted that I was going to get things in order for the spring semester. But as I've learned in all my years of being a Richards....ALL things are possible because we've got God on our side. So off I went to college, scared as hell and wondering what this new world held for me.
Here We Are At Howard
The beginning of Howard- it was not exactly my best experience. I was alone, I had no friends except for two friends from Barbados and the Virgin Islands, both of whom I met at Howard. I started school in the spring semester, which meant I also had to endure the torture of winter. Winter only helped to make the experience worse. I didn’t quite understand the grading system of American universities and approached the work with the same attitude I had for high school. Unfortunately it was NOT successful and my family was disappointed even though they NEVER said it. I don’t think I could have done anything different in my first semester because I was adjusting and I was not doing so successfully. I started to care about school again, but it was happening slowly. No matter what happened though, I had a special back up plan and it was foolproof.
Then here came the fall semester of my official first year where I had given up hope of making friends and I had WORK WORK and more WORK on my mind. Boy that did not last for long. An old high school mate and her god sister (who coincidentally was best friends with one of my closest friends) started school at Howard in that same semester. We started to hang out and we made it our duty to do ONE thing as much as possible: PARTY PARTY and PARTY. I mean come on this is what college is about, right? We were attractive Jamaican girls who were meeting people, meeting boys, and partying. It was without a doubt a time I will never forget, both for good and bad reasons. It also was possibly the greatest learning experience of my life. I learned things about myself, about people and about priorities. At the time I thought I could balance Jamie, the party girl with Jamie, the scholar; I couldn’t. Again I had not obtained the grades I wanted but unlike my first semester, this time I could have done ALOT differently. So armed with my new layer of skin and my new lessons in my handbag, I went home and rejuvenated and re-evaluated myself. I received encouragement from my other best friend, Rochelle, after crying to her over the phone because I wasn't happy with my grades. I also started to rethink my backup plan.
The Special Plan
My plan had its roots in a comment my friend ‘Nell’, as we shall call her, made one day at lunch in high school. She said in patois, “If yuh cyaah achieve success we going marry it, right Jame?”
With all my heart I believed that it would work. I was an attractive girl, right? I could do this...I could get a rich man to take care of me while I stayed at home and watched soap operas, right? Maybe I could have. I will never know because with the spring semester of second year came a new attitude and more importantly my spring revelation. The revelation: I was not going to get my successful man to take care of me just because I was cute. So with a disappointed heart, I turned away from the short skirts and the high heels and the tight tops and turned to the biology book. This was going to be the moment of truth for me. If I put my all into my work, would it really prove to be successful?
I am not going to lie to you for one second; I attended a few parties that spring. I cavorted a few times but as soon as the music stopped, the books opened. I experienced anew form of drunkenness. As my partner in crime, Dayna will tell you, there is no better feeling than green tea in your system when you’re this close to closing the books and cuddling with your pillow. I worked hard; I studied hard and became addicted to the feeling of actually working. Needless to say, hard work reaps ripe fruits and I received the grades and GPA I wanted; perfectly stellar grades. It was an invigorating feeling and all those sleepless nights were worth every second. It was worth every second when I heard my mother screaming in the phone how much she loved me and how proud she was that I had gotten the grades she knew I was capable of getting. My family is very supportive and encouraging and I was tired of hearing about how I could do anything I wanted because I "have the ability." That is because at the time I thought they were lying to me. I’ve now proven to myself that I do have this ability.
What I Know Now
So I have my spring revelation. Because of my spring revelation I began to appreciate school (still makes my ears ring). I realize now why I was able to bully kids twice my age; because who I am is thrice my size.
Nowadays, when I walk across campus I no longer think how much I hate being here, I think about how lucky I am to be here and how I am going to take the powder life has given me to make a nice Lasco drink. While I still enjoy dancing, partying and chilling with friends, I now know what is more important. I must confess, however, that I have not totally given up my back up plan. There just have been some changes made to it. I still see me marrying success, but this time around I'll have several degrees in hand and we'll BOTH be marrying success because I will achieve my own. LONG LIVE HOTT NERDS!!!
Jamie, Jamie. Thank you so much for sharing. I am glad that you did well (bus that four oh) and showed yourself that you could because you are 'bright' enough, wonderful enough and just as good as anyone else. Achieving is addictive. It is all about what you put in. All the best and I think us girls all have that secret plan ;-) but now you've told the boys .Lol. God Speed.
Wow Jamie, I never thought I could be inspired by a girl who is younger than I am. You are a gem and you will be a star someday!